If you’ve caught yourself wondering if your relationship might be over, that in itself may be a sign the relationship just isn’t working anymore.
It can be a hard truth to face, but the signs below can help you to figure out whether or not your relationship is over, and if it is time to move on.
Maybe you’ve known you need to break up in the back of your mind, but are worried you’re making the wrong decision. Maybe you’re not even aware something is wrong, but this list may clue you in.
If you clicked on this post, then I have a feeling it’s something that’s crossed your mind before. Hopefully this post can help you decide which direction you need to take. Here are some signs you need to recognize and be aware.
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1. The relationship doesn’t feel right anymore.
I’m a big believer in trusting your gut, mainly because your gut is usually right. It’s that instinctual thought that you just can’t shake, and is always lingering in the back of your mind, even when you ignore it.
The clearest way to know when a relationship is over is if your gut is telling you so! If you find yourself unable to rid yourself of the thought that the relationship isn’t working anymore for whatever reason, there might some serious truth to that.
A healthy relationship can’t exist if you are constantly thinking that things aren’t working. It means you probably already have one foot out the door, and that cuts you off from being honest, fixing whatever issues might exist, or working on a common future together.
2. Friends and family express concern.
If your closest group of people are worried that something isn’t right, then maybe you should listen. Obviously, you should make up your own mind and the decision is up to you, but if people are worried then it might be worth giving a thought to.
That being said, don’t blindly follow their advice, only you can truly know what’s going on in the relationship. But, it’s worth paying attention to, and thinking about.
3. You make excuses to yourself or others when they express concern.
When you find yourself concerned are you often saying to yourself that maybe they were tired, or they didn’t really mean it, or you’re imagining things? Or saying something similar when a family member or friend tries to talk to you about the problems you’re experiencing in the relationship?
Are any of those excuses actually the truth? How often are you having to excuse their behavior?
4. You’ve tried to work through issues, but one or both of you aren’t putting in the effort to fix them.
Every single relationship has some sort of issue or issues that they need to work through, whether it’s not seeing eye to eye on finances, different expectations of cleanliness, a lack of trust, or whatever it may be.Report this ad
If you are constantly revisiting these issues time and time again with no progress being made, then that may be a sign one or both of you aren’t truly committed to making this relationship work.
In 3 Relationship Lessons in 3 Years, I share about how you can’t expect your significant other to read your mind. Open communication is a really important and healthy part of a relationship. It’s how you can talk through any problems that exist in the relationship, and ultimately move on from them.
If the two of you can’t honestly communicate, or make no effort to improve communication, then issues will always stick around in your relationship, and fester until they break you apart.
5. You’re bringing out the worst in each other, not the best.
Are you motivating each other? Building each other up? Helping each other reach goals? Or are you putting each other down? Constantly criticizing each other?
6. You keep telling yourself that once you get through (blank) things will get better.
Life is stressful, and not everyone is perfect at handling the hard situations that life can throw at them. But, you should be helping each other get through those stressful times.
If you’re always thinking, well once we get through this move, and then, once he’s done with school, and then, once his car gets fixed, and on and on, you need to realize that it’s not the temporary stress making things in the relationship bad, but may just be the relationship itself.
Handling stress well is a skill not everyone has, so maybe it’s something that needs to be worked on. But, if it’s a constant, you need think about if this is a life you’re willing to commit to. There will always always always be more stress.
7. You find yourself wanting to be alone more than you want to be together.
Are you relieved when you leave your partner? Do you feel any sort of dread about being together?
Or when you are together, are you counting down the minutes until you get to be alone again? Was it because you just need some alone time, or is this thought a common occurrence?
8. You don’t feel as attracted to your partner.
Attraction fading can be totally normal in a relationship. When the honeymoon, can’t-keep-your-hands-to-yourself phase is over, the fizzle can die down a bit. But, has it totally fizzled out?
9. You keep imagining what life would be like if you were single.
An occasional wondering about single life doesn’t mean you should automatically worry. But, if you are fantasizing about it quite often, and rarely coming to the conclusion that you’d much rather be with your partner, there might be some issues.Report this ad
10. You’re fighting more often than you’re not.
Fights here and there are normal, some even say healthy. It’s nothing to be immediately concerned with. However, if most of your conversations turn into straight up arguments, especially when they’re over trivial things, that is no way to maintain a healthy relationship.
Either it’s time to work on how you two communicate, and try to improve it, or it’s time to reevaluate if this relationship is working.
Also, the way in which you fight can be an indicator as well. In the post 6 Rules of Fighting Fair, I outline how you can have healthy disagreements in your relationship, and truly work through the problem. If fighting always turns nasty and ugly, you’re not working through the issue, you’re just insulting and hurting the other’s feelings.
11. You’re no longer working towards a common future.
Maybe you were initially, or maybe you never were, but if you’re both on paths going opposite directions you need to think about what kind of future that would be for the two of you. Is there a way to get your paths back to the same direction?
12. You don’t feel happy.
All these reasons aside, being happy in your relationship is very very important. It doesn’t mean every single day you’re the happiest you’ve ever been.
But, you should be making each other happy, and overall it should be a positive thing in your life, adding joy. If it isn’t adding happiness to your life, or worse, it’s taking your happiness away, that’s no way to maintain a healthy relationship.
Alright, after reading this list what is your GUT reaction? Don’t overthink it.
How do you know when a relationship is over? At the end of the day, only YOU can know your relationship and the right decision to make. I can give some clues, but ultimately it is up to you.
That being said, don’t hold onto something because it’s familiar, you’re scared of being alone, or not wanting to hurt their feelings. Your happiness is worth so much more than that! I hope you’ll trust your gut to either put in the work to fix the unhealthy parts of your relationship, or make the tough decision to end things and move on.